A Single Man, Countless Pains II

It's so interesting to be without a job. A constant battle to enjoy my free time, and yet I feel like a degenerate because of having so much. I like being able to work out for three hours and not have other obligations or no energy in the first place because my job drained it all out of me. All I do is work out, run and fill out applications and email my resume to places. It makes for a very peaceful, and well toned, life style. A very cheap, and well toned, life style. I'm almost back to my high school body, but this time it's because I'm being smart about it. How did any of us survive high school? I have no idea. Actually I take that back. Lots of people loved high school. Tons of people would go back to it. I'm the minority when it comes to high school experience. I would probably go to war as opposed to being time traveled back to high school. I like to keep moving forward. I'm the only twentysomething I know who doesn't mind turning thirty one day. Once again, in the minority. Even when I don't own up to one, there's another reason I end up being placed in the minority pile. I don't mind it so much. It's comfortable here. It gives you lots of time to plan and guess about your future. There is no point in looking in the rear view mirror, unless your parallel parking. So I try not to. But, true to my word, I said I would post my past for the rest of this month. So here's another snippet of my untold past.



Dear Cxxxxxxxxxx,

I love you. It is just that simple, and it is just that complicated. I am scared, almost to the point of insanity, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being scared means I have something to lose; you, and I don’t want to lose you, ever. I had an idea of what I wanted, what I was looking for, and you surpassed it. I was not sure if I would be allowed to be happy again, but you make me joyful. I am writing this now because it might be too soon to say it out of my head, even though we have said it without saying it. I am fine with waiting to say it, I can know for the both of us if I have to, for now. I do have worries, but nothing serious. I have never wanted to know about someone more then I want to know about you. To me, you’re the one.

-me

"For the first time in my life I can't see my future. Everyday goes by in a haze, but today I have decided will be different." -George Falconer