Let It Rip

I have a strange feeling that this week is going to be one long free fall. And when I try to pull the rip cord, there will be no parachute. It might be problematic. I was sitting in Philosophy class today and I was so disgusted by the conversation that I ready to drop out of college completely. The whole idea of it is so perverse to me. And if you really focus on it, it seems unnatural. The things that I am supposed to be learning in college will not be my parachute. There is no way. In the long run I see myself caring for a family and writing when I have the time. I like caring for people, I'm good at it. It comes naturally. My mother was a great example of how caring for people can be the most rewarding thing there is. School and college is something "they" created to keep us in line. Well I feel like stepping out of line, politely. I'm not going to start anarchy or develop a new kind of cult. I just don't feel my life and my skills are best utilized through college. Maybe I should go to massage therapist school. It's a form of caring for people, and you don't have to sit in a classroom that often. That's one of the many things that get to me, sitting in those white washed classrooms. I think the color is designed to suck the future right out of you. I can't stand it. Life seems to be passing me by. I don't like that feeling at all. Sometimes, usually after a couple of glasses of White Zin, this phrase returns to me: Gone and forgotten, before I had a chance to remember it. I first thought of it while riding my bike back to my first house from campus. It was so true. Everything around me seems to gone before I even had a chance to remember it. Today was like one long de ja vu, but it was stronger then that. I had sat in those classrooms before, I had typed a paper four minutes before it was due before, I had contributed to class discussion without having read the material before. I'm on some kind of weird pseudo auto pilot. I don't think I should be at that point already. I'm a little too young for that. Or, at least, I think so. I should be enjoying what I'm learning, and not zoning out and day dreaming. I should be okay with the parachute I have strapped to by back. Because, honestly, the one I have right now doesn't look all that appealing to pull. That's a problem, no?