Because You're Worth It?

It might be just an ad campaign slogan, but it does bring about a good idea. At least that was how my brain thought about it today while it tried desperately to keep from falling down the rabbit hole of unconsciousness. Today was a continuation of not being filtered. But in a more internal sort of way. Today I was brutally honest, bold and outspoken to myself. I decided I wanted to trade in my gold four door, and get a black pick up truck. I decided even if there was a boy who wanted to date me, it'd be hard to do because I'm kind of dating my house. Either by making sure the kitchen is clean, double checking that the pup is taken care of, keeping up with the five guys I am privileged to live with, and occasionally spending an evening cooking or baking something for all of us to enjoy and calm down over. So, the boy who ends up wanting to be in my life, better make sure it's all worth it. What really struck me today was how badly I do not want to be in college. I keep having this repetitive de ja vu where it feels like I'm doing the same thing over and over again, and I always have the same level of excitement or passion for it. Which is borderline zero. It's like a modern version of Bill Murray's "Groundhog Day". What ever happened to Bill? "Lost in Translation" was like four years ago. Anyways. I'm liking the idea of going to massage therapist school. Doing some kind of accelerated course and being done with classes as soon as humanly possible. It is not worth it to me to be stuck in courses that make me want to never pick up a book again or put pen to paper. I do not have time for that, especially when Iran getting all trigger happy all over again. That shit is scary. So with the ever present carpe diem mentality, I have decided to start researching schools, used black trucks, and new cookie recipes. For the guys, of course. Because to me, that's what makes it all worth while. Taking care of yourself and the ones you love. F society and the educational societal norms. We only get to do this once, right? So I want to do things that won't wash out or fade over time, I want a life that is vibrant and multi-faceted. Because, I'm worth it.