-Right In The Bullseye

Sometimes you have those days where you don’t really want to move. The kind of day where the bed and the couch have some kind of magnetic force, and you ass is just one giant refrigerator magnet. Your brain keeps telling you that there is “the list”, that big scary transformer of a list that needs to get taken care of. You know the list is important, you know the list will not take care of itself, you know the list has control over you, but you also know that if you try to get off the couch the sky will turn orange and the air will turn into bug spray. So the better idea seems to be to just stay on the couch. It’s not like you aren’t aware of the list, because chances are the only thing you are thinking about the whole time the couch is holding you hostage is the list. You think of what you would have done first off of the list, how you would have gone about doing it, and the preferred outcomes. You consider what would have been the most efficient travel routes, you ponder what stores are closest to each other, and you meditate on how you would have phrased your questions and offered your opinions. The fact that you didn’t do anything almost seems irrelevant because you thought it all out, you practically did it all. You were so close to taking a significant chunk out of that terrible “list” that you almost feel in the mood to celebrate; but then you remember that close only counts in horseshoes and preemptive bombings. No matter how much good will or heart felt mentality you put into something, it’s never going to be good enough unless you hit the bullseye.

Sometimes I play darts. On days where the couch has taken be captive, it is often gracious enough to allow me a bathroom break and some free time. During my free time I play darts. I am actually pretty good at it, but not in the ways that actually matter. A good dart player is not concerned with hitting the large numbers or accumulating as many points as possible every time they throw, no, a good dart player is worried about accuracy and skill. I can put all three darts on the board every time I throw, but I have no direction when I throw. My darts hit any number they damn well please, and I end up happy because I hit the board. But hitting the board is not even the real point of the game, winning is the real point of the game; and sometimes to win you have to miss or scratch out. Sometimes when you are playing it is way too easy to only see the bullseye, but usually the bullseye isn’t even what you need to score.

Attraction is such a dart board of a thing. All the qualities that a person could find attractive or be attracted to are just laid out there, and then we stand and throw our darts at it in hopes to hit something good. A sliver of mesmerizing eye color, a piece of broad shoulders, a triangle of aspirations, we throw our darts while thinking the highest score will benefit us the most. I suppose hitting the bullseye would be getting the best, most opportune result to attraction, but sometimes that isn’t what you really need to score. Sometimes you need to build up with smaller numbers, sometimes you need to focus on precision and accuracy before you can start throwing for the bullseye. Sure fifty points is a nice large amount, but it can also be too much and make you lose or bust. Then where are you after you bust? Right back where you were before, but now you are even more disappointed. Sometimes life hits you in the bullseye because life isn’t polite. Sometimes the couch grabs you by the bullseye and doesn’t let you go. Sometimes you throw for the bullseye but hit something close to it, something better then the bullseye itself. When that happens, that’s when you get to look life in the bullseye and say “I win”.