Tuck and Roll

So the hummus and cheese and spinach meal was delicious. It got me through the next six hours, but then I passed out during my lunch break at work. Then I drove home, somehow, and slept for thirteen hours. Thirteen hours! By the time I woke up, I had to be at work in two hours. It's so messed up. Literally, I just feel messed up. My spine feels like its crooked, my shoulders ache, my head is slightly foggy at all times, and my stomach is never content. And it keeps craving doughnuts. And Nicotine. Right now I'm the last person who'd ever be voted Most Likely To Become A Personal Trainer, I look more and more like the rock and roll reject friend. Worn out leather coats and torn up hoodies. Dark circles under their eyes. Constantly on edge. Once upon a time I was a gymnast....I had a farm in Africa. That's the tone I say it with when I tell myself that in my head, over and over and over again. I use to command a floor routine, and be fairly competent on the uneven bars. I could shimmy of ropes and poles that went from the floor to the ceiling of the practice warehouse. The floor exercises were my best, that's what I was most talented at. I always think that, had I continued, I could have achieved some sort of professional or award winning level or status. But I stopped, because gymnastics is gay. Or that's what the majority of everyone thought. And I wasn't about to throw fuel on that name-calling-life-wrecking fire. I tried to start back up in high school, but that plan fell apart. So now my plan is, once I'm a certified PT, find a gym that has a gymnastics area and get back into it. I'm still young enough to be able to teach myself, but old enough to know not to push myself too hard. I just want my flexibility back. I still have most of it. But I want it all. I can still do the splits, but I want to be able to do them up against the wall. I want my foot behind my head. I want my spine to do as I tell it. I can still do some flips and shit like that. I actually would practice those at the second college I went to. I would go to the track at like eight or nine at night, when everyone was doing homework or having social lives, and I would practice doing back flips and back handsprings. Yep, college was really beneficial to me. Ha! It just furthered my ability to tuck and roll. Literally and figuratively. College is/was/forever will be an exercise in hitting the ground running. Tucking and rolling, to make sure you don't break your neck. Dealing with problems A through D while anticipating problems D through Z. I left the floor mat for my dorm floor. Walked away from the uneven bars to deal with uneven odds. Quit the hand rings to hang myself out to dry. Jumped off the balance beam to walk on other fine lines. College was just another exercise for me. And I was always good at exercises. That is, when not being a 3rd shift zombie. I miss being a cardio monster. My love of running, dancing, and cardio in general is the only thing that has kept me fit and svelte my entire life. Not having the energy, or time, to throw on Madonna's Confessions album and sweat it all out makes me sad. Nowadays the only thing I'm sweating over is having no money but many bills, no man but serious urges to cuddle, big to do list and tiny free time. Life keeps bending me over backwards, knocking my around and pushing and pulling me in opposite directions. Good thing I've got so much practice at tucking and rolling.

ps- Looking for a good picture to go with this was depressing. I thought it might be fun, but no. Just a reminder of what I could look like. I need to work out.

"Let no one think that flexibility and a predisposition to compromise is a sign of weakness or a sell-out." -P. Kagame