- How to Write Love
The other day someone asked me “how are you?”, and instead of saying the perfunctory response of “fine” or “great” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything at all. I was caught off guard; it was such an unexpected question. I guess it really isn’t that uncommon to be asked that several times a day, but this time there was sincerity and soul behind the query. Having misplaced my ability to bull shit this past summer and with no real desire to ever try to find it again, I wasn’t able to lie or muster up a smile. So I politely side stepped the question and shifted the conversation to a topic that was easier to navigate, something I knew would be simple to steer through; naturally we ended up talking about the importance of making sure your jeans fit you properly. So as I sat there, debating low rise versus skinny, I began to wonder why I wasn’t able to give a concrete answer to the commonly posed question. The obvious answer was, and is, that I was not fine or great. All things considered I am doing alright as a human. I just seem to be caught up in a stage of my life I have no idea how to handle. The real answer I would have liked to have given would have been “old” or “grown” or “scared as hell”, but I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it out loud. So instead I immersed myself in something I knew about, something I was familiar with, something I knew how to do; it seems to be human nature to be drawn towards things that are familiar and comfortable. That is why the fear of the unknown or the fear of trying something new is so common and so very powerful. I think it is not the actual attempt or event that scares us, but the results; we have no control over the results.
One of the smartest women I have ever encountered, who also happens to be one of my best friends, recently said that “if you want big love, you should be prepared for big loss”. As unsettling as that is to hear, it is nothing but the truth. Falling in love is not scary at all; it usually tends to be the opposite. The excitement and the passion, the new sense of purpose, the desire to be your best and of course the kisses. The kisses are key to falling in love. When all you can think about is the touch of their lips on yours, the brush of their chin on yours; you begin to know you are a member of the “Big L Club”. Suddenly song lyrics mean so much more to you, and you understand books better and you actually begin to appreciate the future. Often, while in the midst of our love induced euphoria, we do not realize we are suddenly on a blank page. Even when you do realize it, you pay no attention to it because you’re in love and it is strong enough to stop bullets. So you go about the rest of your life, the scripted parts; go to class here, fold clothes there, vacuum carpet then, wash this. I like the scripted parts, they are not always pleasing or the most fun, but at least I know what I am doing.
So I find myself in a place in my life where I have no idea what I am doing. I don’t know how to do this; I have no idea how to build a script around love, how to write it myself. Which is ironic considering I’m a writer. This type of writing is different though, it takes two authors working together, writing simultaneously. You need both pens, both creative ideas, two sets of styles; the both of you have to be writing in the same book. Sometimes one gets ahead of the other; one of you might skip a page or jump a line or maybe even spell something wrong, and that’s ok. The other one will either catch up or catch the mistake, the important thing is to keep writing. You have to keep writing, both of you have to keep writing in the book to figure out how it is going to progress. If you give up in the middle of it then you have no idea how the ending will be, and even if it sucks and doesn’t make the New York Times Bestseller list, at least you can say you wrote the damn book. You have to keep writing to get to the end, you just have to. If we have to write our own love, we should be prepared for bad reviews. The tricky thing is, there is never a good way of dealing with a bad review.