The Zoo Series: Lions

Hi, my name is Guy Stefani, and I hope you like reading because I like writing. I once again have a laptop of my own, so I will not be forced to try and write these on an Amazon Kindle. My plan is to have them posted on a fairly regular schedule, and I would love it if you followed along.

When I last posted, I was just beginning the Zoo Series; and the point of that was to show that all men can be categorized into one of four titles. Men are either: peacocks, lions, gorillas or vultures. Originally I called the last title “bird of prey”, but I figured vulture summed it up nicely. The last post I wrote was the in depth explanation of what exactly a peacock is like, and how they behave. It was written very shortly after having broken up with my last boyfriend, who was a total peacock, and it is riddled with personal history. The next “animale” I am going to tackle is the lion. Honestly, I have very little romantic history with lions; they never gave me much attention in the past. They are the most heroic, athletic and wonderful of all men roaming around this zoo I call Chicago. They are proud and sexy and born leaders with big chests and smart brains. They can be firemen or bankers or the crossfit coach you always see on the Redline that you just know would be able to make you claw up the bedsheets while he sends your body into fits of euphoric rage. Yup, you heard me. Lions are the Captain Americas’ of the animale kingdom. They are courteous and adventurous and caring. They are the grown up boy scouts who are personable and damn sexy. Lions are fit, but not gym crazy, they want a body that will serve them well on their next adventure. They go to the gym to become more agile and more powerful, not to strut around like a puffed up gorilla. Which, coincidentally, will be the next animale I will discuss; so, stay tuned my fellow reading enthusiasts.

As I said, my romantic history with lions is not that in depth. I always admired them from afar, but never had the nerve to speak to one or thought I deserved one. I do however always make friends with the straight lions; the hetero-leos love me. While I was living in Grand Rapids, I shared a house with several other guys. It was probably the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Having gone through middle school and most of high school with no real guy friends, suddenly being immersed into a house full of them was wonderful. They took care of me, and gave zero fucks about that fact that I was gay and that I was not a basketball loving Xbox junkie like they were. We all balanced each other out. They taught me what it meant to have guy friends and what it meant to be a gay that a hetero could rely on and value. I could do a whole post on how much I miss them and how much they meant to me, but, lets save that for a day when I know there is a full Kleenex box in the apartment. The point being, I was living with several lions that showed me just how wonderful a lion could be. Lions are the ones that diffuse the tense situation and somehow make sure that all parties involved end up content. Lions are the ones that take charge with quiet power and assurance, and then lead the group to higher ground. Lions are the ones that you come home to after a funeral and let you cry on their grey hoodie while they hold you and say nothing. Lions do not need to be that vocal, because when they do open their mouths, people fucking pay attention. I lived with the greatest lion of all, and I also think that explains why I don’t normally go after a lion. One of the hetero-leo’s I lived with spoiled me so much; no other lion in the entire animale kingdom could measure up to him in my eyes. Lions are the men we dream of, the men dreams are made of; they are supportive and wonderful and solid. They are captivating and glorious and draw you in with their quiet strength. I want my next man to be a lion. A real Captain America of a man, someone who I know I can stand along side of through thick and thin.

And now, my favorite part, the visual representation of the lion man. Obviously, the first choice would be Chris Evans. Not only in his role as Steve Rogers, but also, from what I read, in real life too. The last time he was on the cover of GQ, the cover story inside was just delightful and a true testament of how wonderful he is off camera. The three Chris’ that make up the “Chris Trinity” in Hollywood ( Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pine) are all worthy of the crown of lion man. Maybe it has to do with the name. Siri, remind me to only date men with the name Chris. Another prime example would be Ryan Gosling. That man exudes quiet power; I don’t think I have ever seen him raise his voice or get ruffled during an interview or talk show visit. There is a model by the name of Parker Hurley, who is another perfect example of what a lion is. I follow him on InstaGram, and not only does he embody the physical aspect of a lion, but he also has the mindset of one too. I suggest following him if you do not already do so. Lions are the class president from high school that was handsome and personable, but still grounded and treated everyone with respect. A lion is the guy from your sophomore year film class that was a complete soccer stud and object of everyone’s affection, but still held the door open for you despite your poor social standing. A lion is that well dressed, strong looking father you see guiding his daughter down the street; and teaching her how to survive a crowded sidewalk. Lions are the ones that fold you into a hug and make you realize the world is not completely terrible. Lions are the sexy guy in a suit that gives his seat to the Golden Girl on the bus. Lions are the men who make friendly banter with the frazzled Starbucks barista. Lions are the men we are drawn to because they radiate confidence and security. Lions are the men that make the world a better place. There is a reason their families are called a pride, because a family lead by a lion is something to be proud of.

Stay tuned for more; next week I’ll give you a guided tour of the obnoxious, boisterous buffoon of the animale kingdom, the gorilla. Happy reading to you all.