-Loving Memories

It’s always fun to try and think of your earliest memory. Sometimes it involves Christmas presents and family gatherings. Other times it can be the first day at preschool or daycare. Maybe it is the day your parents brought home that annoying bundle of noise that would steal the attention and keep you awake at night. It could be something smaller, like walking up the front porch steps of your Grandmothers house or the jar of candied oranges she would keep in her kitchen. It is odd to think that we could have memories of things that occurred before we even knew how to spell our own names. It is even stranger to think that we have trouble remembering all the homework assignments and due dates we have despite the fact they were assigned two days ago. How we could remember the license plate numbers of the rented car used while vacationing in Florida eight years ago, and somehow forget the due date of this month’s gas bill, is beyond me. Memories are both beneficial and detrimental. Beneficial memories can be both pleasant and bad to recall because not everything we did was worth it, but it is important to remember what we survived. Detrimental memories, the kind of memories that hurt us, are of things we will never have again.
Before I even reached twenty I was convinced I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and in one breath it was all taken away from me. Now I know that this could be easily written off as puppy love or mere infatuation, and there is no point in my trying to convince or persuade you otherwise so I won’t try. Something that is undeniable are the leftover memories that come uninvited into your brain and heart after losing someone you love. Not only are they the worse kind because they cause you pain, but they are tricky, rotten little things due to their random timing. You might think you are having an average day, fully convinced it will resemble most of the others that have passed, when suddenly it will hit you. It might be caused by the first few notes of a song, a familiar scent in the air, a reference to a certain book; any one of those things and a million others can bring about a memory you had no desire to think about. Suddenly your mind resembles a dead leaf in November being carried away by the wind. You can chase after it trying to stop it or trying to catch it but it is futile; the memory has taken your mind and disappeared with it. If you’re lucky you’ll have great friends and good family who will help you by giving you new memories, and with time the November winds will blow less often. With so much potential for pain and reoccurring heartache, are memories worth remembering?
Sometimes I feel like the memories are keeping me from actually knowing the real events or the real people of my past. It is not that hard to try and shift previous events into looking better then they were, sometimes we end up loving memories just because it is easier on us. It might be a defense mechanism, making things appear better so that when they do come back to us it isn’t so painful. If that is the case though, that means we forget the truth more and more every time we remember it. I couldn’t tell you the real reason for why we change memories or choose to remember some things and not others, but what I can tell you is that I am happy for what I do remember. I had a short time with my Grandmother, but I still have the candied oranges. Christmas is not what it used to be, but I remember what it was. I may not have now what I once did, but I will always have the memories. If there was a way to “eternal sunshine” my brain away I wouldn’t do it. I want to remember as much as I can because I’ll always be loving my memories.