Que Sera Sera

So I have the best friends in the world. My old friends came to visit me this weekend. My new friends came out and partied with us. My work friends covered for me so that I could have time to go out. My housemate friends came out and partied with us too! I am blessed when it comes to having friends, because you do get to pick those...and for some reason all the cool kids picked me. I have no complaints whatsofrigginever. All I wish is that I could see them all more often. It had been such a long time I sort of forgot their faces, sort of. I knew what they looked like and I can pull up their pictures on FaceBook and I can check my phone, but when you don't see someone for a while you forget the laugh lines around their eyes, and their nose wrinkle when they smile and their shoulder when you haven't leaned on it for a while. I forgot things like that, and that makes me sad. My brain does this thing, this thing where it won't let me remember or think about the fact that I miss my friends and the other places I lived so so much, because it wouldn't be productive and it wouldn't help in my continuation in life. So ninety percent of the time I don't think about all those things, but now that I saw them in person, and now that they left....now I'm in the middle of the other ten percent. Funny how big that ten percent can seem sometimes. I'm in the epicenter of a "what could have happened" earthquake. No one really knows what life would have turned out like, had we taken a different route. Had we stayed or left. But thinking about all of that, well, it's no good. What happens, is exactly what is supposed to happen. And there is really nothing any of us can do about it. You make the very most of the pieces that are in front of you, and you build a life. And you cross yourself for every good fortune and great friend you have...and you never take it for granted.

A Differnt Kind of Italian Revolution

So my iTunes has decided to no longer work on my piece of shit lap top. An error message appears whenever I try to open it up. I have loaded the most recent version three times. Backed up all my music files, wiped it from my hard drive, reloaded the brand new version and still get the same error message. Luckily my iPod can still charge, because a life with out music is barely worth getting out of bed for. I've been very loyal to some YouTube music channels so I have back ground music while I cook. Have you heard the song "Alejandro" from Lady Gaga yet? Friggin beautiful. And I've also been falling in love with the classics from Rosemary Clooney. Who wouldn't want to come to her house? The strange Madonna version from "Swept Away" is entertaining, sort of. The man is gorgeous. I digress. The point is that without iTunes I've sort of had a metaphorical revelation. If you don't have a beat to step to, you walk wrong. When I first came up to this city, I did my best to be well behaved, play nice with everyone, be demure and Midwestern, stay quiet and basically act as "white" as possible. This past weekend everything just changed, I might be surrounded by pleasant Dutch people but I am far from them. So now, I am walking a little closer to my boot-shaped-country roots. Everyone around is slowly adjusting, but they'll get over it. Besides, they got free pizza and cooking out of it, how upset could they be? I am diving into Italian heritage once again with full force. It's just so natural, I talk different now because I don't think my sentence in my head before saying it. I did that for like fourteen years, it's exhausting. I speak freely, when I want to and with out reservations. I sit a little differently, actually taking up space in the room. I made a habit out of being invisible for so long, I'm done with that. I carry myself a little different too, but it's just due to the confidence. And the home made pasta dishes. And the work outs. And the reading. Life has a whole new rhythm: joyfulness, freedom, attitude, passion, heart and Mambo Italiano beats. And of course, Italian Charm. So really nothing has changed, everything just became different...but I think it's all for the best. I'm back to being your Italian boy.

Talk The Talk

So this is what's happened since Friday:

Friday-
-go to a huge wine tasting expo with 1 out of 6 housemates and his girlfriend
-get hella tipsy at said expo
-walk to Ritz Coney to grab a hotdog
-make fun of people who wait in line to get into bars
-thank God for having friends who have VIP status
-get picked up by another housemate who drives all three of us back to the house
-realize that it is only ten thirty pm
-put cash in pocket and walk down to my bar for some Bud Lights
-get to bar and behave by not talking to anyone but the doorman and the bartender
-laugh on the inside because both men know my name
-stare at music videos on the screen and avoid eye contact
-walk back to the house and crawl in bed
Saturday-
-get up and go to work
-dress like a Ralph Lauren ad to make up for still being a little tipsy
-look good at work and have a successful day
-go directly to bar from work, do not collect two hundred dollars
-encourage housemate on first night of bar tending, order drinks to support
-thank God for giving me a housemate who is now a bar tender
-get back to house, get angry at iTunes for no longer working on my laptop
-go to bed
Sunday-
-get to work looking like a before picture
-get through open to close at work
-get through two hour long mandatory meeting after work
-ask God why the holidays suck ass nowadays
-realize that I will be working a twelve hour shift on black friday
-calm myself down by knowing that Desperate Housewives is being TiVoed
-get back to house and cook amazing blue cheese pasta with red gravy
-go to bed early because work starts at seven AM
-have exciting dream where God says to be a personal trainer
-and that embracing heritage and ancestor culture is much needed
Monday-
-go to work
-get through work looking freshly shaven and care free
-start to make mental work out plan for myself to get back to the body I had
-go to class
-design tattoo for me while sitting in class
-stop at grocers on way home and get pizza ingredients
-spend next two hours preparing and chopping and baking two delicious pizzas
-listen to Rosemary Clooney, Dean Martin, Lady Gaga, and Madonna in the kitchen
-thank God that all four people were/are alive and that they sing to me
-burn my arm on the oven, but don't care, this pizza is worth it
-enjoy said pizza with Amaretto and Schweppes
-thank God for living and for baking
-sit in the kitchen nook and type this while feeding housemates
-tonight, light a candle and thank God for my friggin life

Think About It...

Did you ever wonder if maybe your whole life was just a brain tumor and really you're just catatonic in a hospital bed with last night's oatmeal running down your chin...
Or maybe you drowned when you seven years old and this is just the watery vision that fills up your lungs and head before someone gives you CPR...
This could all be just a dream you're having in the womb, and then when you're born you forget it all...
Maybe I just fell down the Rabbit hole...

It could be true. You never really know. Everything starts and ends so quickly, and surprises happen and timing is everything and you never really know what de ja vu really is. Sometimes a person can be envious of Alice...or feel just like her.

Follow The Law

I know the "holiday season" is upon and it is supposed to be nothing but hugs and kittens, but when you work retail you kind of despise it all. Plus living in the city makes it impossible to drive around through the snow, the roads are never cleared up, parking is terrible and looking cute is harder to pull off when you have seven layers on. Not to mention that peoples moods get severely elevated in one way or another: if you're a happy person, you become obnoxiously happy; if you are more like Meredith Grey, well then all you have to do is re-watch season two to get my point. It's not like I'm anti-holiday, but the loveliness of it all wears thin year after year. So, what did I do to ensure I have something to look forward to? Demand I not be single yet again for the holiday season, no. Throw myself into a new hobby or an old work out routine, no. Dedicate myself to watching an entire television show that is no longer on the air but something I always meant to watch but didn't have the time, no. Well, that could still happen, we'll see. This season I picked an amazing looking movie and will begin a countdown towards it. I doubt I will have to see it alone, but if I must I must. In the past I would pick holidays or movie openings and convince myself I would have a date to bring to it, or celebrate it with. It seems like those are the unwritten laws of the almighty holiday season. The greatest gift is to have a lover to give a gift to, from a material stand point. Carrie and Miranda have a very prudent conversation about this on Valentine's day in the first film. If you're in a couple or a relationship, you don't notice how centered around you the holidays are. The holiday season is a heightened couples season, but I don't really feel like following the holiday/couples season rules this time around. This year, I'm taking a more relaxed approach. I've got the boys I live with to become closer to, I've got new friends to get to know better, I've got old friends who will be coming back into my life, and I've got Jude Law to look forward to. Which brings me to my film of choice: Sherlock Holmes. If you haven't seen the trailer yet, you are missing out. It looks fantastic, and even if it's shit, I get to look at Jude Law for about two hours. Yahtzee! Anyways. I think I might have created a drink. Amaretto and Lemonade. It's delicious. I only did it because I ran out of orange juice and had to substitute in the lemonade. It's even better tasting then the original drink of choice. I'll have to think of a name for it. Maybe I can call it the Jude Law, the amaretto is sweet and inviting and the lemonade is a little bitter and has a bite. Hahaha. Damn I'm clever. And I promise this was not a premeditated joke, I type as I think. Which is why the punctuation on this thing is always bullocks. I've got laundry to finish, a bed to make, another drink to fix, and some tattoo browsing to do. Maybe I'll rent a Jude Law movie later just for shits and giggles.

The Couples Table

It's not easy to sit at the couples table and be single.
But you do it, to be nice, and polite.
It's not easy to pin on smile, laugh, and try to mingle.
But you do it, so you don't ruin the night.

Everyone nods their head and says your next,
the time's a coming, no need to worry.
So you nod too, as they get up to dance.
They twirl about the room in all their wonder.
And it makes you realize, you've been acting like Blanche.

*** *** ***

Like I said, I've been writing a lot of shit lately.

All Ways Rejected

I feel like coming home to him, in stead of mass chaos and floors stickier then that of a bars, would probably make me smile more often. For those of you who don't know, and how the hell could you not, that is Tyson Ritter; he is the lead singer of All American Rejects. He belongs to me, he just doesn't like to announce it to the world. He is perfect and the ultimate idea of what I think is sexy and delightful. Him, a couch, North by Northwest and some TBell would be the best night of my life. Lately I've been writing songs more often then Lindsey does lines, and I can't help but think Tyson would know how to sing them. I mean, I don't break glass or anything when I try to carry a tune, but he would totally be the guy I'd want to collaborate with. In all senses of the word. I did however get microphone friendly during my birthday celebration. I did a drunk rendition of Like A Prayer, and even got a standing ovation afterward...it might have been due to my voice or my lack of clothing. Either way, I sang and it was awesome! The birthday week was exciting and flashy and fantastic, but I did see a couple things going differently, but altogether it was memorable. My birthday and this time of fall always brings back memories, but there is a lot going on right now that keeps those at bay. The founder of the company I worked for died recently, so we all got LiveStrong knock off bands to remember him. I always thought he was a cool guy, but the bands have his life motto on it: Do What You Love. Which is also my motto, hence my quitting college, not following the rules, or coloring inside the lines. I think me and that guy could have totally been friends. Plus, you know he had sick style. So in honor of Donald Fischer, let's keep doing what we love. And not waste time on other things.